Gammy knee in full effect, I thought finally it is time to do something about this weight problem
I start diets, or working out an I get bored, or forget that I am on a diet!
Imagine being in bed feeling sated, and thinking over all of the healthy things you've eaten that day.
Porridge for breakfast, an avocado salad for lunch and chicken and steamed veggies for dinner.
Yes, you are a macro minding, fitness goddess, if you keep this up for 8 months you may just resemble those sinewy Insta chicks squatting and contorting their tiny frames and plump bum bums in your timeline.
Then your heart sinks as you remember that 8pm sojourn to McDonalds where you sunk 20 chicken nuggets and 2 BBQ sauce packs.
Whoops!
''Fuck it, I'll just be a fat bastard my whole life . . .''
Herein lies the problem, it's all in your head.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
The fact of the matter is, I am tired of trying and starting over all the time. The gluttony, anxiety and tiredness that comes with being overweight. The inadequacy and the smiling when you feel like shit.
I get anxious walking past people because I know how I look and I just cannot take it anymore.
This just isn't me. I do not go out, I do not go shopping, I avoid social activities.
My gluttony has literally screwed up my life. The health implications are another side I had never really thought about before but I was recently eating something and the sound of my own breathing was deafening. I must of sounded like a fucking hog! Thank the Lord I was alone at the time but I had literally walked up the stairs from making a sandwich and as I sat on my bed, leaning over to grab my laptop (because that's what us fat bitches spend or evenings doing - numbing the pain with mind numbing reality shows on catch up TV), I was chewing like a trooper on the cheese and ham sandwich and I actually paused thinking ''what the fuck is that noise?''.
Thought nothing of it and pulled my laptop closer to me, again, another bite and chew of this sandwich, there it was again, a kind of water seeping out of one end of a sinking submarine.
''Jesus fucking Christ, that's my fat chops going ten a dozen in between gasping for breath at the stairs I had climbed not 3 minutes before''. Because at that point, lining my oesphogus with food was more important than, you know, receiving air.
Ew.
At last the catalyst I needed to get my arse into gear . . . being presented with my own gluttony.
Yeah, ALL of the above.
I gotta do something. PRONTO.
I have 8 stone (50.8 kg or 112lbs) to lose and that is the end of it. I understand just what it will mean to have to maintain that ''HEALTHY'' weight and I am ready for needing to workout, eating balanced meals and ample water intake.
But right now, for where I am (which is in complete and utter despair), I need to get this weight OFF.
In the last year, I have thought of, considered or practiced the following:
I've fucking had it!
I'm about to break weight loss rules and everything I have ever learnt or understand about nutrition and wellbeing, but I don't care.
I have to do something, I'm just so utterly desperate.
That's the bottom line, I do not expect anyone who isn't me to understand what I'm about to do, and they do not need to.
From 11th September 2017, I will be consuming 351 calories per day in the form of 3 x Protein shakes per day.
I have done something similar and dropped a shit tonne of weight, the reason I got even fatter after doing this last time was because I went back to eating like a Rugby player after the novelty wore off of being ''slim''. There was no maintenance plan or nothing that I went into, I was just proud to be ''skinny''.
Yeah I was a size 12 but I looked flabby, didn't work out and starved myself even further.
NOT DOABLE!
Once I have reached a respectable weight with this diet, as in halfway so, 4 stone (56lbs / 25.4kg) lost, then comes the hard work, because my metabolism will likely be shot to shit.
I will need to get into the gym and build upon the new lease I have given myself and my body in terms of the weight lost, I know I will need to build back up my strength, my nutrition and adopt a whole lifestyle change in order to kick my shit into gear to move the remaining weight.
I deem myself lucky in this respect because I actually LOVE strength training and working out, just not at this bloody size! It's fucking torture. Any of the obese people I see huffing it out with Personal Trainers can attest to this.
So, I have cancelled my Gym membership, and have began reducing my calories over the last few days to prepare my stomach and digestive system for this carnage I'm about to put my body through.
Wish me luck, I'm going to NEED it.
I start diets, or working out an I get bored, or forget that I am on a diet!
Imagine being in bed feeling sated, and thinking over all of the healthy things you've eaten that day.
Porridge for breakfast, an avocado salad for lunch and chicken and steamed veggies for dinner.
Yes, you are a macro minding, fitness goddess, if you keep this up for 8 months you may just resemble those sinewy Insta chicks squatting and contorting their tiny frames and plump bum bums in your timeline.
Then your heart sinks as you remember that 8pm sojourn to McDonalds where you sunk 20 chicken nuggets and 2 BBQ sauce packs.
Whoops!
''Fuck it, I'll just be a fat bastard my whole life . . .''
Herein lies the problem, it's all in your head.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
The fact of the matter is, I am tired of trying and starting over all the time. The gluttony, anxiety and tiredness that comes with being overweight. The inadequacy and the smiling when you feel like shit.
I get anxious walking past people because I know how I look and I just cannot take it anymore.
This just isn't me. I do not go out, I do not go shopping, I avoid social activities.
My gluttony has literally screwed up my life. The health implications are another side I had never really thought about before but I was recently eating something and the sound of my own breathing was deafening. I must of sounded like a fucking hog! Thank the Lord I was alone at the time but I had literally walked up the stairs from making a sandwich and as I sat on my bed, leaning over to grab my laptop (because that's what us fat bitches spend or evenings doing - numbing the pain with mind numbing reality shows on catch up TV), I was chewing like a trooper on the cheese and ham sandwich and I actually paused thinking ''what the fuck is that noise?''.
Thought nothing of it and pulled my laptop closer to me, again, another bite and chew of this sandwich, there it was again, a kind of water seeping out of one end of a sinking submarine.
''Jesus fucking Christ, that's my fat chops going ten a dozen in between gasping for breath at the stairs I had climbed not 3 minutes before''. Because at that point, lining my oesphogus with food was more important than, you know, receiving air.
Ew.
At last the catalyst I needed to get my arse into gear . . . being presented with my own gluttony.
disgust
dɪsˈɡʌst/
noun
- 1.a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive."the sight filled her with disgust"
synonyms: revulsion, repugnance, aversion, distaste, abhorrence, loathing, detestation, odium, execration, horror; More
verb
- 1.cause (someone) to feel revulsion or strong disapproval."they were disgusted by the violence"
synonyms: revolt, repel, repulse, sicken, nauseate, cause to feel nauseous, make shudder, turn someone's stomach, make someone's gorge rise;
Yeah, ALL of the above.
I gotta do something. PRONTO.
I have 8 stone (50.8 kg or 112lbs) to lose and that is the end of it. I understand just what it will mean to have to maintain that ''HEALTHY'' weight and I am ready for needing to workout, eating balanced meals and ample water intake.
But right now, for where I am (which is in complete and utter despair), I need to get this weight OFF.
In the last year, I have thought of, considered or practiced the following:
- Ketogenic diet - lasted 2 weeks; lost 11lbs and gained it all back
- Water Fasting - lasted 4 hours; lost my mind
- Intuitive Eating - my intuition is broken
- Gastric Band Surgery - The scarring looks horrendous, no thanks!
- IIFYM - I was always fucking hungry
- High Carb - I was constipated
- High Protein - My breath smelt
- Veganism - I was constipated
- Juice Fasting - I spent £10 per day and two hours peeling fruit and cleaning juicers
I've fucking had it!
I'm about to break weight loss rules and everything I have ever learnt or understand about nutrition and wellbeing, but I don't care.
I have to do something, I'm just so utterly desperate.
That's the bottom line, I do not expect anyone who isn't me to understand what I'm about to do, and they do not need to.
From 11th September 2017, I will be consuming 351 calories per day in the form of 3 x Protein shakes per day.
I have done something similar and dropped a shit tonne of weight, the reason I got even fatter after doing this last time was because I went back to eating like a Rugby player after the novelty wore off of being ''slim''. There was no maintenance plan or nothing that I went into, I was just proud to be ''skinny''.
Yeah I was a size 12 but I looked flabby, didn't work out and starved myself even further.
NOT DOABLE!
Once I have reached a respectable weight with this diet, as in halfway so, 4 stone (56lbs / 25.4kg) lost, then comes the hard work, because my metabolism will likely be shot to shit.
I will need to get into the gym and build upon the new lease I have given myself and my body in terms of the weight lost, I know I will need to build back up my strength, my nutrition and adopt a whole lifestyle change in order to kick my shit into gear to move the remaining weight.
I deem myself lucky in this respect because I actually LOVE strength training and working out, just not at this bloody size! It's fucking torture. Any of the obese people I see huffing it out with Personal Trainers can attest to this.
So, I have cancelled my Gym membership, and have began reducing my calories over the last few days to prepare my stomach and digestive system for this carnage I'm about to put my body through.
Wish me luck, I'm going to NEED it.
Comments
Post a Comment